Part II

My new bike rack rocks. Does its job every time.

I have registered for the 2010 YSC Tour de Pink. I knew before last year’s ride ended that I would ride again. Blogging again was a different story. Before I wrote my first entry last summer I made a very conscious decision that I would write as a way to keep those close to me up to date on my training progress, to educate people about breast cancer in young women (yes we get this disease, yes it sucks), and as a form of therapy for myself. Writing was extremely therapeutic – as much as the training itself although I couldn’t have done one without the other since I did most of my mental processing while I rode. But I never intended the blog to continue past last October.  By nature and by profession I am a planner and an analyzer and I reasoned that if my blog had an end…well that would keep me from wallowing in my cancer experience for too long and after 4 months my ride + blog would end, I could simply emerge victorious and strong and move on with my life.  Said differently, my blog would have a beginning, a middle, an end and then I wrap my cancer experience up in a little bow and be on my way, healed inside and out and ready for my next chapter. Yes I was that naïve just a year ago and of course life doesn’t work that way. Being a cancer survivor certainly doesn’t work that way. I’m still a cancer survivor. I’m still healing mentally. Moving on and leaving that part of me behind would be as easy as leaving behind an organ or an extremity – I wouldn’t even know how to separate that part of me from my whole and at this point I don’t know that I want to knowing it would take the good parts of my experience with it. More on that later.   

Back to my first statement: I have registered for the 2010 YSC Tour de Pink. Such a simple statement for such a serious undertaking. Honestly I’m almost as nervous the second time around as the first and for good reason: Last year’s ride totally kicked my ass. I’m almost hesitant to write that just in case any first year riders stumble upon this looking for inspiration. I can do inspiration, I promise, stick with me…but if I’m being honest here I really need to admit I did not feel well after last year’s ride. 200+ miles is really freaking hard and to stick with my Rocky theme I don’t mind saying I ‘went the distance’. But I want to do better this year – I will do better this year. Better for me means I don’t feel like I was run over by a train or something large and mighty afterwards.  I think I can do this because I’m in better shape now than I was last May when I started from ground zero. On good days I find exercise fun (in my head: take THAT cancer, go me, woot!), on days when I feel like bagging my workout I remind myself that exercise lessens my chance of recurrence, keeps my stress level down and my outlook positive. Some days I totally bag it anyway and head to the tavern (keeping it real here). I do know that riding is better than not riding, it keeps me strong, it keeps me sane, relatively sane anyway. I don’t know if sane people ride that far after cancer treatments, or ever.

So here I am again. I’m no athlete and I’m no writer. But I am a survivor and a thriver with a bike to ride and thoughts to share. Check in on me from time to time and I’ll do my best to keep it real and keep you all updated from now through October, one blog at a time…